on a lighter note...

I spent most of tonight randomly surfing the web, looking for things to bring a smile to my face. There was alot that did just that. My ,ission tonight was to cheer ,yself up, not counting on anyone as a crutch. With the exception of a couple of IM exchanges, I did just that.

Perhaps I am on the road to self sufficiancy yet. Here is my website pick of the day. It made me smile more than I have in a few days. Hope it makes you laugh also. Enjoy...

Day of despair

I told my mother today about the divorce. I hadn't planned on telling her until it was completely final, but I am in a bad way and desperately needed to talk .If I could have anticipated her reaction, I would never have opened my mouth. She was all negative and was completely unsupported of my decision. She disagrees with my decision to walk away from the house and property and doesn't have faith that I will financially make it on my own.

I swore to myself that I was going to be alright no matter what. I have been scared, but still confident that things will be ok. She has torn down my confidence and I am left shivering in my fabulous boots. I have yet to cry, I haven't cried in years though. I want to cry, the tears just won't come. I think my tear ducts have forgotten how. I feel shattered and beaten already and I haven't even crossed the threshold into my new life. I'm still being coddled by Mike, he's helping me handle everything. But reality is setting in, in part because of my mother. I may not be alright. I might fall on my ass. It is a very real possibility that I lose the business. I have about 4 months to find a commercial location that I can afford. If not, I'm in serious trouble. Mike wants to put the house up for sale within 6 months. When that happens, I will need to be out of the shop in the house. WTF am I supposed to do here?

These questions just keep circulating in my head and no resolution is within grasp. God, I am so scared. I am alone and have no support. I feel like my world is spinning out of my grasp. On the same coin, I read all my previous posts about how miserable I have been with Mike and know that ultimately I am making the correct decision. I think the hardest part for me is the loneliness...

Jeanne, my only single friend who has been away all summer will be arriving home either today or tomorrow. I hope she will help me get through this. I just need someone to sit by me and not say anything. No judging, no advice. Just a smile will help me I think.

*sigh* Well, I filed the petition today and I will serve Mike tonight. He will sign the service acceptance papers and on Monday I will go back to the clerk and from that moment all we have to do is wait. Tis almost over. It seems so simple in theory, doesn't it? It is way harder to actually do.

Now I will officially be labeled as a "divorcee"...Not quite sure how I feel about that. I think the bad times are just beginning...Dark days are ahead indeed. But I am a strong girl. I shall persevere, and I know that I am not the first person in the world to go through this. So...I'll be ok, despite what other people may think.

Really a new me?

I was working this morning, but my heart just wasn't in it. Normally I spent an eternity with each dog, making sure everything is just right. I couldn't give a rats ass today though. Instead I was compiling a list of things that the next Mr. Right must be. I was worried that when I finally left Mike that my taste in men wouldn't change and that I might end up with another one of him...But these few weeks I have noticed not so subtle changes in my taste in men.

I always used to be attracted to the peacock. The cool guy, Mr. Rico Suave. The guy who would give me the cold shoulder. For some reason the meaner a guy was to me, the more hot for him I would be. Hence, Mike. I met him at a mutual friends house one night about 1 yr before we got together. I was dating his friend at the time. We were sitting on the couch while Mike and a few other people were across the room. All of the sudden I hear him say real loud to the guy I was with "Who are these sluts?"

I will never forget it as long as I live. Of course at that moment I hated him. A few months later we met under different circumstances and I knew what an ass he was, but I found myself drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I think I needed his strength. I needed a savior at that moment in time, and save me he did. He saved me from living in a very uncomfortable home setting, he saved me from my family and most importantly, he saved me from myself. At the time I was in severe self destruct mode.

I think this is where our relationship went wrong. He needed to save me as much as I needed to be saved. We have never tried to evolve our relationship from that base though.

So here I am eight years later, definitely a veteran in the matters of the heart. I believe I know what I want in a guy. I really want to be picky and not just choose the first guy that walks into my life, as I have already been dissatisfied...Case in point...That guy A. But I picked up on it immediately, so I feel like maybe I have learned my lesson and that I just might be ok.

So the list, you ask? Hmmm...I think some things are better left unsaid.

What a day...

I will post pics of my new boots soon enough for you freak-as who wanna see 'em.

I had a very busy day. Lots of doggies and eve a cat. I made so much money today that I was abe to stash $60 into my secret stash fund. My mission is to really save as much as I can. I always keep a small fund just to have a little mad money, but now that things are different...well, you know. I have almost $300 saved already.

Otherwise not much else going on. We went to the lawyer and Friday I am going to the court to file the petition and all we have to do from there is wait.

Bette Davis eyes? No....

I guess I'm done basking in the happiness of spending tons of money in a shopping spree. Loneliness is slowly and surely setting in yet again. I don't know how I'm going to get past this part, but I'm hanging in there. I think I'll feel a whole lot better once I am not in the same house as him, feeling like I'm being watched and judged. There is potentially a fun vaction on the horizon for someday. Hmmm...

But despite all the boring stuff things seem to be going my way. I found a REALLY hot pair of knee length boots. OMG they are killer and boy, oh, boy do I look good in 'em too. I am desperately searching for a short skirt to wear with them, but so far to no avail I can only wear short skirts because I am so short and anything longer than thigh length makes me look extra short and as someone once told me "dumpy". (Thank you very much bitch.) Don't worry, she paid dearly for saying that.

Hmmm. Well it was a real fun night. I laughed alot. I got some really cool pics (heehee) and I am oficially going to go to bed with a smile on my face. I have never been told that I have anime eyes before. It was a striking compliment, among a few other memorable ones...(limpid pools..*sigh*)

Well g'night kids. See ya on tha flip side!

Oh happy day!

Ok, so last night Mike and I decided that it would only be fair of him to help me sey up, meaning getting me everything I will need for my own apartment. So we went to Best Buy in Prescott and bought me a new t.v. and notebook. I want to give a shout out to John at Best Buy fot showing me this notebook! It is the sweetest electronc I have ever owned! Ooooh Wheeeee! Is it fast! I just found out that I have a wireless signal at my house and so guess what folks? I'm flying without poopie old stoopid dial up. This baby zips through like a warm knife through butta!

I promised Suley that I would make mike pay for being a dick to me yesterday, and pay he did.Two thousand dollars later..and I have a whole shit load of fun electronics. I almost forgot to give a shout out to The Geek Squad at Best Buy, for without them, I'd still be setting this notebook up. Within 2 hours, they had installed everything, gotten rid of all that trial shit a new computer comes with, and basically all I had to do besides register with my information, just got to plug and play. At least I know everything is set up properly. Shit, this computer is sooooo sweet, I'm getting all hot thinkng about it.

It's the HP Pavillion zv6131 SWEET!

Ok, for now that's it. I'm flying high and feeling good for the first time in a few weeks. I want to thank all of you for your comments and support through this difficult time. Just know that I am really excited deep down, and that I know I'll be fine.
(fine is an anagram for: Frantic
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional...) But really, I'll be fine. Remember that the next time someone says they are fine and know what they are really saying. Hugs to you all.

The bottom has begun to fall out from under my feet

I am finding out that he has been lying to me about numerous things, one of them being about money. He was always so big on trust. Insisted that we always be truthful about every stupid little thing. Swore he was always being truthful. I allowed him to handle the money since day 1. I hand over my paychecks and he disperses it as needed for the bills and such. I have never questioned him. I am finding out that he has taken advantage of the fact that I have always trusted him. He has been hiding money, and not just a little bit either. He told me yesterday that he has a secret stash of $28,000, and asked me if I wanted to get out now...The very next second he claimed he was "just kidding" and that he was trying to upset me. The thing is, that he couldn't keep from smiling, a dead giveaway that he was lying to me. He's going to send me out with a mere 10g's and have close to 30 plus in his pocket? I am more angry and hurt than I have ever been in my life. I don't know what to do at this point. Here I was just sitting here blind thinking we had no cash money and yet he's got a significant sum. How could I be so naive?

This is only confirming my decision to run as fast as I can. What a fool I am. Seriously, I just couldn't get any dumber. You know, people always told me he would do that...Hide money. I never believed it though because he was "Mr. Honesty" I had so much faith in him. The huge problem is that I have no way to prove he has this money and therefore I can't get my share of it. I am positive he has it in cash. He's also Mr. Cash. Only likes to use cash. Our bank account never has more than 2 grand in it at a time. It finally hit me just a few minutes ago, and the tears flowed. I am more angry at me for allowing him to have control of everything. Look where I am now. Hopefully lesson learned huh?

An omen?

The word of the day for today is shambles. According to Merriam Webster Online the definition of shambles is as follows:

1: a place of slaughter or bloodshed
2: a scene or state of great destruction: wreckage
3: a scene or state of great disorder: mess

As in: My life without Mike will be in shambles?

Lets hope not. Let us pray that this is not an omen.

It's 3am I must be lonely

Tonight is my first night sleeping alone in years. Since I have moved myself into the guest bedroom across the house from the master bedroom, it's just me and the cats and dogs. I thought that out of habit they would be sleeping with him, but they are loyal lil suckers. I have a pile of pets on top of the bed. Gosh, I just love them to pieces. I hope the next guy I date likes animals...

So I just woke up and am not really tired. The brain is going a million miles per second. Most of me knows that I am doing the right thing. I have never been fully happy and have never ever seen myself married to him for the rest of my life. There is just this one nagging voice whispering though, telling me to turn back and go the easy way. I am going to stay strong though and follow through. I need to. I will.

For those of you that do not know, we have been married for almost 3 years. January 17 will make the 3 year mark, though we have been together since I was just 17. I met him 2 months before I turned 17 and 5 months later I was living with his parents and him. We lived there for about 1 1/2 years and then got an apartment. About a year after we were in the apartment, he proposed out of the blue. I can honestly remember thinking...."OMG, I do not want to marry this guy.." We stayed engaged for 2 whole years and never once talked about setting a date and actually following through. We went to an engagement part for one of his uncles and his family applied pressure on us as to when we were going to finally take the plunge. So, that very night we decided to plan the wedding for January, only 4 or 5 months ahead. Sorta spur of the moment. It was fun and exciting until he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the planning, and even refused to comment on simple choices such as out wedding song. I planned the entire night myself, without the help of my mother, his mother or him. I should have taken that as a great big hint, but at the time I was so wrapped up in the excitement of the party, that I didn't stop and think what I was about to do.

After the wedding, the very next day we embarked on our honeymoon, which was to be our greatest decision. We drove around the country for about 6 weeks, with no real time schedule. We spent a lot of time in the southwest because during the months of January and February, it is cold in a majority od the country. Finally we arrived home sweet home and though it was FREEZING in comparison to the southwest, we were glad to be home. The temperature was 17 degrees compared to about 50 degrees during the day in Arizona. That night we looked at eachother and said "Let's move" besides we had such a great time on the honeymoon, we never wanted it to end. So within 10 days of our arrival back to New York, we were packed and on the road again. We had no jobs here, no family, no friends, no place to stay and not a lot of money. We had spent it all on the road. Within 4 hours of our arrival to Flagstaff, we had found jobs and an apartment.

6 months of living in Arizona, and we were doing really good. Things were so much cheaper than in NY. Car insurance was less than half the price for each month, rent was hundreds of dollars cheaper too. It soon became a reality that we would be able to buy a house, so we did. We ended up finding this new cute home in a real small town for a smoking price, and we jumped on it. Which pretty much brings us to today. Since we have been living here, he has got his contractors license and opened up a business of his own. He is an electrician and has 3 new trucks, 2 full time employees and makes killer money. I have opened the grooming shop out of the house and only have to work part time.

Throughout all of this there have been many warning signs, all of which I ignored. He has never been interested in what I have to say, we have virtually NOTHING in common and like I said from the beginning of our relationship I never really wanted to marry him in the first place, but I got so caught up in the bullshit, that I ignored everything my mind was telling me. So here we are, facing divorce now and I just feel scared because he is all I have ever known. He has handled virtually every aspect of my life as long as I have known him and I am afraid that I will fall on my ass without him holding me up. But I am excited about the possibilities opening up before me and intend to stay strong and be true to myself regardless of how ugly it gets. My heart says for me to leave. I can only be thankful that we never had children, unless of course, you count the cats and dogs...all of them who will be coming with me. So, Hopefully this has helped some of you understand a bit better the dynamics of our relationship. There is so much more there too, a lot of negative stuff, but I am choosing to remember us in a positive way, because I feel like I needed this experience to help me be who I am today.

And Adeline, a ree-ree is an endearing term I call my boxer, meaning retard. Sometimes I refer to myself as a ree-ree too.

Okie dokie Suley here is a top ten list for you...this is my top ten favorite 80's movies. Enjoy...


1. The Neverending Story~ 1984 directed by Wolfgang Petersen: I remember seeing it in the theater on the big screen..I was only four and it is one of my earlies memories. It is DEFINITELY the first movie I remember seeing. LOVE IT!

2. A Christmas Story~ 1983 directed by Bob Clark : Who doesn't love this movie and it's great catch phrase that even today comes up in conversation frequently? "You'll shoot your eye out!" (singsong tone) And also the singing china men "Fa~ra~ra~ra~ra~Ra~ra~ra~ra!" to the tune of Deck The Halls. CLASSIC!

3. Ferris Bueller's Day Off~ 1986 Written and directed by one of my favorite directors John Hughes : Starring Matthew Broderick...He was soooo cute!

4. Stand By Me ~1986 also (A GOOD year!) : Directed by Rob Reiner, starring River Phoenix and Corey Feldman...(and Jerry O'Connell...) There is something about boys going on a weekend trip to find a dead body that makes ME want to go camping! I just love this movie.

5. Goonies~1985: Directed by Spielberg and starring a whole bunch of cuties! This movie is soooo awesome, even by today's standards!

6. Coming To America~1988: Directed by John Landis, starring the amazing Eddie Murphy. The man is a friggin comic genius. I also love the reference to Trading Places with the appearance of Mortimer Duke and his brother Randolph from the 1983 classic.

7. Breakfast Club~1985: Directed by John Hughes starring Emelio Estevez, Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Anthony Michael Hall...Love, Love, Love this movie!!!!! I have seen it more than 20 times and seem to enjoy it more each time!

8. Dirty Dancing~1987: Directed by Emiile Ardolino starring Patrick Swayze (hot hot hot in this movie!) and Jennifer Gray. Ah! The classic story of the privileged girl falling for the guy from the wrong side of the tracks...And "Nobody puts baby in the corner." (I did not understand that Penny was having an abortion until I was about 12 or so when the movie FINALLY made complete sense to me! I know, I am such a DORK!)

9. Say Anything~1989: Cameron Crowe's directing debut starring (once again!) John Cusack. A love story once again about 2 kids from different lifestyles falling in love. (I'm a sucker for love stories!)

10. Princess Bride~1987: Directed by Rob Reiner. "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Favorite lines in the movie! This hysterical love story proves that true love does not have its limits. You'll laugh your ass off if you have never seen it!

Movies that are also my fave's that didn't make my Top Ten:

Footloose~1984 Directed by Herbert Ross starring Kevin Bacon. Who doesn't love a dancing movie?

Sixteen Candles~1984 Directed by none other than John Hughes. Yet another love story peppered with humor.

Adventures In Babysitting~ 1987 Directed by Chris Columbus starring Elizabeth Shue. Madness ensues on a supposedly easy babysitting job. Fun!

Trading Places~1983 Directed by John Landis. The story of the Duke brothers who wager they can take a street thug and turn him into a wise business man and vice versa.

UHF-I am unsure about the year. This movie is just freaking hysterical. For those of you who have seen it, I salute you. If yuo have never heard of it...get your ass to the video store and see it.

Oh, what a strange day indeed

Today as you may or may not know, I went to the courthouse today and picked up the divorce packet and paid them their five bucks. Whenever it comes time to file I'll have to pay $117 for filing and crap, but I am feeling good about getting the ball rolling. When I came home from Prescott, I began moving my belongings into the guest bedroom where I now reside. I feel good about this decision and he has been taking it real well. We both know that it just isn't working.

So, moving right along. I want to let you know that I gave J. Star my mailing address to send me a postcard from the Badlands. I just received it today. I want to give a shout out to J. And say I hope you are having a freaking blast and that we all miss you.

And that is about it for today. Pretty much this divorce is consuming me, and I am just trying to sort my feelings about what my future holds. I am scared and happy and excited all rolled into one big nervous ball. So soon I will be free. I wonder what (or should I say who) will be my first conquest. I'm gonna go buck wild y'all!!!!!!

And so it begins.

Ho hum, here I go. Off to begin the paper filing...

Divorce sucks. I'll never get married again. It is more than just a peice of paper. Why didn't someone tell me this earlier?

Oops I did it again...

These past few weeks have been full of tumutulous ups and downs. You all know that I am competely miserable in my marriage. I have stated that I am leaving him at ;east 3 times now in the past 2 weeks. Every time I mean it too...But for some stupid reason, I patch things up and attempt to keep on keepin on. When asked by virtually everyone why?, the only answer I could summon was a lame "I don't know..."

Well, I am finally fessing up to the reason. Here is one of my dirty little secrets. I have stayed wiht him as long as I have because he keeps me from wanting materialistic things. I don't ever have to worry about money, if I see something I want, I almost always get it. The truth is that I have been using him. And I am afraid after having been coddled that I am going to fall flat on my ass in the real world.

He came home tonight and said that he thinks we should split and that he is tired of me using him...The only thought that went through my head "OMG...He knows the truth!" And seeing as he knows the truth, I figured I might as well put it out there for everyone to see. So now you know. I am a hateful, hideous user.

And when I say I did it again, I mean I managed to push away the only person on this forsaken planet who gives a damn. And I totally deserve whatever I get...

Another melancholy day in the sad, sad life of me:

I feel like I need a theme song today. The song that best reflects me today is G'N'R "Don't Cry" It represents me in the sense that he is singing about me. Take a gander at all the lyrics here.

*Sigh* If only life were that easy. If only he would let me go. If only I cold leave. It's terrible to live in a world that thrives on "what-if's" because I'm not really living at all. Yea, new topic...

The word of the day today was simpatico. I think it is such a beautiful word. It has a very melodic sound. Simpatico...

Anyway, my hand is doing ok. It is still very swollen and still oozing puss. I am not worried though. I know to keep a nose out for the smell of chestnuts (thanks Suley) and it has yet to smell of anything. To answer Christian's question, I am a dog groomer, which is why getting bit is an occupational hazard, though I have only got bit once before, years ago.

And to answer some other questions about what I fear, well lets just say that I absolutely cannot say. It should suffice you to know that even talking about it could make the fear more real. If that makes any sense at all. Please do not worry though cause I am one tough cookie and can handle my shiznit!

Also thanks to those of you who rebuked my statement about me being a loser. While it is nice of you to say, I still disagree. Who else but a loser stays in an emotionally and sexually void marriage because of fear of something as silly as being alone? I realize that I keep harping on these same issues here, but until I can resolve them I am stuck...If only life were easier huh? And if only I wasn't a meek and mild mouse and stood up for myself and did what it takes to make me happy... Again with the "what-if's"... There are just so many of them, they are never far from my thoughts.

Hope Y'all out there in blog-land are having a good day. Toodeloo.

"I wanna cry but I gotta laugh..."

From the STP song Big Bang Baby..."Does anybody know how the story really goes or do we all just hum along..."

I had a post all typed up and ready to go, when I tried to save it, the whole thing went haywire. Apparently Blogger was doing some scheduled maintenance...Of which I had no idea, so my post was lost. Instead of typing it all over again, I'll give it to you in a nutshell...

I am a boring, sad, lonely loser.

I got bit by a dog today and my hand has swollen up like a balloon. My darling ( can you hear the sarcasm?) husband declared me "unprofessional" for having gotten bit. (I would like to mention here that in the few years I have been doing this I have only gotten bit one other time. Besides It's an occupational hazard.) And basically I began to think as hard as I possibly can and even though I realize the idea is ridiculous, I almost believe it and have been second guessing my judgment all day since...

And I am also afraid. Of what, you ask? Oh, sorry but I am too afraid to say...

That's pretty much, in not as many words, what the post said. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and *poof* be someone else. I am a sad loser...

dial up sucks~

For those of you that know I am running on rinky dink old school poopie dial up, I think I will be getting DSL real soon! Finally...Dial up sucks and half the time my speed is less than 50K. So yay for me and yay for high speed internet!

"Secrets? I have no secrets"

Everybody has secrets. Deep, dark, embarassing secrets. Things so horrible you think you would die if anyone else knew. I have lots of these type of secrets. When I started blogging a while back, I had intended to use it as my way to purge, because somehow I needed to get things off my chest. There was no where else for me to turn. I thought "hey, I'm annonymous. I can say whatever the fuck I want..." But after all this time, I am beginning to think there is no safe place for me to purge and be rid of these hateful sins...If I can't do it in my own journal, then what is left? Where can I feel safe?

So I guess it will just have to be enough to say that yes, I have secrets. Juicy, even sexy secrets. I know you want to know. Everyone likes hearing secrets. But I will never tell...

I feel terrible...I scared J.Star's readers away! I sent Suley a post to put up on The Melodrama Jukebox and it scared away the masses! It has sort been on my mind since it was posted...

In other news, I just found out today that my old job is crumbling to pieces. People are being layed off left and right and the business has a one way ticket to failure. Pretty much any day now will be the last tour the company ever does. I feel real sad about that. I had a special loyalty to the company, they were the underdone swimming in a pool full of sharks. For a split scene, we were on top. It seemed like finally we had gotten respect from the locals and tourists were loving what we were providing. Somewhere along the line things changed. I wish I knew what went wrong, but I remember sensing the change in the air about 1 year ago, which is the reason I finally decided to open my own business. I felt unstable and underprivileged, like most Americans, I suppose...I was so happy to finally be rid of the company and haven't given them much thought until I received an e-mail from an ex co-worker...in fact the very same woman who nick named me Jenellie Bean. She told me of the decline surrounding the company in the last week or so. Instead of feeling smug for predicting correctly, I just feel sick to the core of me.

Alot of people will be losing their jobs. We live in a very small area...not as much potential for high paying jobs. I just mourn for these people who were loyal to the owner, Bradshaw, to the very bitter end. I also feel relieved that I bailed when I did. I am well established and haven't missed a beat. I is sickening though...

I have a semi busy week coming up which is good. Maybe if I stay busy my idiodic roaming thoughts will dissappear, and i can forget what a retard I am...

I don't think I will finish the story fot J.Star's blog. Maybe I will post it here instead. At least if I scare y'all away I won't feel so bad. Over and out peeps!

Finally, the list you have all been waiting for...

Ok, here is that music meme that Suley tagged me for. Finally had time to sit down and pound it out. Enjoy!



1. How many cds, tapes, records, eight tracks, reel-to-reels, etc. do you own?


Currently I own onder 20 CD's, and about 100 tapes (none of which I lilsten too any more). The reason for the lack of CD's is that a couple of years ago Mike drove my car and took my CD case with every album I ever loved in it, and put it on the roof of the car and drove away. It was never to be seen again...major score for some lucky SOB! So slowly I am replacing the albums that have always meant the most. Plus now that songs can be downloaded individually, I tend to pick my favorite songs instead...



2. Last musical recording you bought (itunes count, too)


The last recording I bought was actually just last night. It is Robert Plant's Pricipla Of Moments. I would have downloaded it, but for whatever stinkin reason is not available either as individual songs nor a full album download. The only plac earound here for music is Walmart for at least 60 miles. I am sure you all know how Walmart is about their music selection...Nuff said. So last night we went to Flagstaff where there is a music store. Luckily I found it! The heavens sang... (Hallelujia!)


3. Last album I listened to from beginning to end

Just this morning I felt so inclined for Robbie Robertson, Music For The Native Americans. WOW. This album always blows me away. It is a combination of old school indian chants mixed with modern beats and instruments. You still have the indian drums and flutes, so there is this authentic feel to it. Not only are there chants, but real songs. Like the sond entitled "It Is A Good Day To Die". Basically the singer is the tribe's chief and their village is being surrounded by US soldiers. His people are scared and know the purpose of the soldiers is to put them on a reservation. The chief is telling his poeple not to be scared. That it ia a good day to die. Damn. For real this album is one for the collection. Check out the lyrics for this song here.


4. Six songs that mean a lot to me.

Well, I think that I have a whole lot more than 6 songs, but I will try...

1. Van Morrison's "Into The Mystic" The vocals alone are enough to mello you out, but the lyrics just top it off to make it one of my all time favorite songs.

2. Pink Floyd "Wish You Were Here". Just brings back so many memories...Pretty much the whole album Dark Side Of The Moon is amazing, but this song is just so fantastic if I could only pick one.

3. Phil Collins "In The Air Tonight"...What can I say but OOOOOOOOH WHEEE! The drum solo in it is so awesome that for years I wanted to learn to play just so I could pound it out along with the song! I always have to listen to this song at FULL BLAST and is the reason I have blown speakers on pretty much any listening device I own...

4. U2 "With Or Without You". Ok, I don't think I even need to give a reason. This song just rocks.

5. Cat Stevens "Wild World". I was truly a strange child. Most kids my age were into the pop music of the time...MC Hammer era. I was truly into the old stuff. My mom had a Cat Stevens tape that she listened to once in a while. I liked him so much that I stole her tape and listened to it EVERY day for a year. I always loved this particular song, though anything he sings is amazing.

6. Red Hot Chili Peppers "Under The Bridge" I remember the first time I heard this song was on a camping trip with my best friend . we were staying at a campground near the water where we met these boys. A bit older than us but they were HOT! I had my first real kiss that weekend. Whenever I hear this song I think of that kiss with...whatever his name was.


5. Songs or Albums I would consider my "guilty pleasure." These are the recordings you love but are afraid to admit it...

Hole: Live Through This. I know how everyone feels about Courtney Love, but she sings her guts out. I listen to this album when I am royally pissed at the world. I know she is relating to me.

Mr.Big "To Be With You" OMG I totally love this song. I just turn it down while sitting at lights cause I don't want anyone to know!

Anything by 50 Cent!

N'Sync...I just love Justin Timberlake...heeheehee

ummm, that is all I am willing to disclose at this time.



6. Who are the bloggers you are passing this on to?

Almost everyone has been tagged already with the exception of XinriX. I would like to remind Fitena that she was also tagged. I am realinterested to see your taste!

a somber birthday indeed

I feel like such a jerk. Sometimes I can act like such an idiot. I don't know if you know this or not, but I primarily live in the moment. Whatever emotion I am feeling at a particular time, I believe I will feel it for the rest of my life. Then I proceed to make rediculous comments and act a fool. I wish I could rewind these last few days and have a re-do. *sigh* I realize that I have been bitching alot and after today I SWEAR I wont write anything else depressing...for a while at least.

The only album that will do for such an occasion as this is Counting Crows August And Every Thing After. Every song is perfect for me. It's like these songs were written just for me. I think my favorite song on the album is Anna Begins...It is so friggin poignant. His lyrics really get you in the booboo... Check 'em out...

Lyrics for Anna Begins:

My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."

I am not worried I am not overly concerned

My friend implores me, "For one time only,make an exception."

I am not worried

Wrap her up in a package of lies

Send her off to a coconut island

I am not worried I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions

"Oh," she says, "you're changing."

But we're always changing

It does not bother me to say this isn't love

Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love

And I guess I'm going to have to live with that

But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey,

Something in between, And I can always change my name

If that's what you mean

My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."

But I am not really worried I am not overly concerned

You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself

To make yourself forget I am not worried

"If it's love," she said, "then we're going to have to think about the consequences."

She can't stop shaking I can't stop touching her and...

This time when kindness falls like rain

It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind

"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days,"

she saysAnd I'm not ready for this sort of thing

But I'm not going to break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore

I'm not going to bend, and I'm not going to break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore

It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love..."But it's not all that easy so maybe I should

Snap her up in a butterfly net Pin her down on a photograph album

I am not worried I've done this sort of thing before

But then I start to think about the consequences

Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...The time when kindness falls like rain

It washes me away and Anna begins to change my mind

And everytime she sneezes I believe it's love andOh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

She's talking in her sleep

It's keeping me awake and Anna begins to toss and turn

And every word is nonsense but I understand andOh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

Her kindness bangs a gong

It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away

It's chasing me away

She disappears andOh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

If nothing else, I'll always have this album...Thank you guys also for your comments. It feels good to know ya'll got my back!

I'll be guest posting on Trampoline Tricks sometime within the next few days!

Sometimes I feel like a nut...Sometimes I don't

Ok, so those of you that were here earlier know what the previous post for the day said. I deleted it because I feel like a poop...

Why is it that this is so hard for me? Most days I complain about Mike and what an ass he can be. But when push comes to shove, I find myself crawling back with my tail between my legs, realizing that I am going to be all alone in the great wide world. I live in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and no friends to speak of, I worry that I will become an old maid. I love him...Really I do. It's just that I feel like maybe there is someone even better than him. But if I look at the life I have now and all of the perks...I have things that I almost couldn't live without. Which would mean that I would need a rich man. But this is all not the point. I am driving him away on a hunch, because there is some unrest in my heart. I feel like I am chasing a rainbow, looking desperately for the end.

I am just confused as shit. If I leave, will I only find that the unhappiness part is lying deep within myself? If this is the case, then why would I leave a man who takes great care of me? And leave everything behind I have grown accustomed to? *sigh*

Dear friends, I am at a fork in the road. To the left is my life with Mike...Stable, comfortable and predictable. EASY. This folks, is my easy street...To the right is the rainbow road. It is a seemingly attractive road with great promise of actually catching that rainbow...But who ever catches a rainbow? It isn't physically possible...

Which road do I take? Which road will bring me happiness, if either at all? I can't just stand here, at this intersection forever contemplating. A decision must be made. Which shall I choose? Which would you choose were you in my shoes?

Some news

Sorry to have been absent. These past few days have been chock full of surprises. Some good, some not so good. I want to start off by getting you all up to speed. as you may know this past weekend I attempted to call things off with Mike. But as I stated, he got real upset and I can't stand to see him like that. This has been a decision in the making for years now as I am sure I have mentioned...I just never have been able to follow through.

So, I started tis week off on a sombre note, dreading the drudgery of my everyday life. Wishing things were different...And then it happened. On Tuesday I awoke to the sound of my dogs barking. I got out of bed to see what the fuss was about to find 2 akitas in the yard. Typically, I step out and shoo any dogs away, but instead of running away, they came bounding into my arms! I felt bad about just letting thm loose on the streets and they had no tags so I decided to hang onto them until I could find their owner. I made a giant cardboard sign and posted it out in fromt of the house. It said: "FOUND...2 large dogs. male and female. Knock on door or call...(and my cell #)"

It wasnt until 10 that I thought to call the pound and notify them that if anyone calls looking for theses dogs that I had them. The woman at the shelter said she might know these dogs because they had been picked up once before. She said that she would call me back later if she could track the number. I figured that it would be an hour so I jumped in the shower. While in there, the phone rang, but I wasnt in the mood to interrupt my shower so I let it ring. About 5 minutes later i got out and again the phone rang. It was a local # and I assumed it was a customer. I answered it and the guy on the other end asked for me. He said that the shelter had called him and that the dogs were his grandmothers. That he had picked them up before for her. When we got off the phone I listened to my voicemail left by the woman at the shelter. The number she gave me was different from the number this guy had called me from. Both were local numver too not cell numbers...

Anyway he arrived at the house 15 minutes later. He came up the driveway and shook my hand andI thought O...M...G...He was so handsome. I was nervous and began gushing about how beautiful the dogs are and blah blah blah...He suddenly asked me if i wanted to see their father who he claimed was even prettier. I was nervous and uncertain, but agreed to it. It seemed like fun, so I jumped in the cab of his truck and off we went to his grandmothers.

Almost instantly he began telling me about his wife and how they had just split up 3 weeks ago. I felt compelled to let him know I sorta understood and blabbed that Mike and I were also on the verge of splitting...After meeting the dog and locking all 3 safely behind the gate at his grandmothers, he drove me home. I felt so comfortable in his prescence and told him my situation. I didn't want him to leave so as an excuse I asked him to come meet my dogs. He didn't even hesitate. We stood on the driveway and talked for almost an hour. Before he left he asked me for a business card for his grandmother. I gave him 2 hoping he would keep one for himself. As he wa swalking away, he asked if i would give him my e-mail address. I did.

An hour later he e-mailed me just saying hi. I have been flying high ever since. He has made me feel so special and beautiful. He has made me see that the way I feel with Mike is not normal and that I can be happy. So it sorta helped catapult me out of my indecisive mind and into action mode.

Mike and I will be seperating and getting a divorce. It will be about 3 months before I can acutally move. He is going to help me by setting my business up in a store front, finding an apartment and putting the first moths crap down, replacing the brakes and tires ($800 for the tires alone!) on my car and will be giving me $10g's in my own personal account. In exchange, I am going to accept that as my portion of the spoils. He gets everything else. It was my decision and my terms and he agreed. It is priceless for him to help me with all of those things. Money wont do me any good. Besides he is the one who has worked so hard for all that we have. He deserves it. If we were to liquidate, we would probably have about $300g's if not more. But, Cest la vie, right?

So to sum up,I am not leaving Mike for this guy. Not to say there isnt potential for something, but that I really do need just Jenelle time. No distractions...except for a lil nookie from my new buddy...heeheehee.

I am really excited and also a bit scared. I have never been alone or taken care of responsibility, but this will be a test to myself and I refuse to fail. Mike believes that it will become too much for me and that I will come running back into his arms. I will prove him wrong. But I digress...I really am going because if I stay with Mike, I will continue to feel like life is slipping away and maybe for once in my life I will be able to stop wishing for my life to start because I will realize that I am living it.

After talking to A. for the past few days till the wee hours of the night via IM, I have learned that he invited me to his grandmas house purely to get to know me. He also asked me for a card for himself...I just feel like ...DAMN....Oooohhhhhh Wheeee! I mean the sparks just fly. He will be coming over today for a little while to hang and say hi. I am not telling Mike about this because it will destroy the balance we have been keeping.He only asked me to pretend that we are still married as long as I live with him, to which I agreed. I would never cheat on him and as long as we are posing as a married couple I will honor that. Todays visit from A will be purely innocent and friendly. I intend to get to the music meme soon Suley...promise. I am just so wrapped up in emotion, both good and bad right now...I am sure you understand. I will perform my duites as minister of Dog-Blog Affairs and try and do you proud. Heeheehee. Ok children, thanks for stopping by.

Walking on sunshine...

And don't it feel good? I feel more alive than I have in years. I don't feel like an old maid, but a beautiful young princess...Why haven't I felt this good in years?




(sunrise at the Grand Canyon earlier this year)

a shocking revelation...

Today was a day of reflection for me. Unfortunately it got me nowhere. I am still at stalemate, torn between the life I want and the life I lead. But enough about unpleasantries...

Can anyone tell me where these lines are from? "Our yaks are really large and they smell like rotting beef carcasses..." Been running through my head like a broken record all day.

I was lisening to the radio station today while I was working. The dj mentioned that while 24 percent of college girls would cheat on their boyfriends with Brad Pitt, 65 percent would rather cheat with Angelina Jolie. Those lips...GOD!

I personally prefer Drew Barrymore...nuff said!

And the winner is...

Ok guys, this was a toughie! The Sentence Game for the word : odoius has oficially ended. Thank you all for playing and keep your eyes open for the next word!

Suley, your skillz are, indeed mad, and I do love this sentence. It is peppery, if that makes any sense? "Although her speech with the duchess was quite melodious, her manner with the servants was decidedly odious." Suley, Super sweet!
The deal was sealed, then at the last minute, J.Star came along and gave you a run for your money!
"If I could carve out the way I really feel and put it on a pedestal for other people to see, its sheer odiousness would boggle the senses, scattering far and wide those who chanced upon it." J.Star, Just beautiful!

It was a toss up really, because while they are both so different, each caught my interest. The winner (of which I am bound by the rules to pick only one...Hey, I don't make the rules, I only enforce them!) is...J.Star!

I had sooo much fun with this, you all were so creative! I decided to make this at least a bi-weekly contest. So, J. Claim your prize...Whatever you wish!


And in other news, it has been a strange sort of weekend. M. On Saturday cajoled me into admitting that I am so unsure of us and that I would like to move out of the house. I can't tell you how devastated he was. It hurt so much to see his pain. Everytime I get the courage to end it all, I always cave because I can't stand to see him so bent up. He always tries to remain strong and promises to help me financially without a fight. He always wishes the best for me and swears that no matter what, even 5 years down the road, if for any reason I change my mind, that I always have a place with him. This would be the 3rd major time that I called it quits and every time it gets harder and harder.

I am concerned about my happiness in the future with him. He is bossy and obnoxious at times. He can seem uncaring and distant, but he never means to be malicious. I truly in my heart believe he is not the one for me, yet he is so adamant that I am the only for him. He is genuinely torn apart and it kills me. I don't wish to harm him and so I give in to him because I think to myself "how the fuck can you stand there while this man actually cries and pledges to love you forever no matter what? How can you selfishly just turn around and walk away leaving him so broken?"

It is just so much easier to scoop him in my arms and decide to suck it up and keep on keepin' on. It seems like the thing to do at the time, but as always, the regret for myself is beginning to sink in. The disappointment in myself for being weak. I am so damn torn. I get excited at the prospect of living in an apartment on my own and just proving to myself that I can take care of me. I envision that I could be happy not having to worry what he thinks all the time, the freedom to make decisions for myself. Theses are the things that attract me away from him. And the prospect of falling in love again, for the feeling of butterflies in the stomach, that high school giddiness that always accompanies a new relationship. Here I am married and settled into a life where my future is so fucking predictable when it's the last thing I want. Is that a selfish way to think?

He works so hard for "us" and I could care less. I am really a cold bitch. I think about having sex with other people, and staying out sometimes and traveling on a whim. I'll never do these things as long as I stay with him, yet I simply can not bring myself to go. It is so complicated. I had envisioned a different life for myself. I never thought I'd be tied down, and look where I am today. I am stuck and don't know what the right thing to do is.

So I am sitting here, slightly depressed, wondering what tomorrow brings. Hoping I can only feel the same way about him that he feels about me. But I know that hoping isn't going to do me any good. After 8 years you would think that you should know if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, right? Well I think I do know...But would I be making the right decision? For both me and him? Doesn't he deserve some amount of fairness? And to not have his life shattered because I have selfish needs and desires?

The Sentence Game

Ok class, the word for today is : ODIOUS

odious/ OH-dee-us/ adjective: arousing or deserving hatred or repugnance : hateful

I would like for each of you to write a creative sentencece using this word. Whoever has the best sentencece according to me (since after all it is my contest), will win something wondrous. I just don't know what yet. Perhaps we shall let the winner choose their prize eh? Let the games begin!

Today I feel melancholy...

Crazy Cleo...my monkey face!

Tonight Cleo got a bug up her arse and began running like a crazed lunatic throughout the house, trampling poor Curtis and the cats in the process. She really makes me laugh, her tongue was lolling out the side of her mouth and she had this shit eating grin on her face. If she could talk people she'd have been saying "Here I come! Get outta my way or I'll nip at ya and trample you too!" She is such a goober...(which happens to be anacronym for booger which is so fitting for her!) I just wish i had a picture of her tearing ass for you guys to see.

Does anyone know why my profile and junk is all the way at the bottom of this page? GRRRRR...blah! *wink*...here's looking at you kid!

Well I am glad you all enjoyed my list. Yes, I can be one sadistic biatch! Watch out now! I'm a firecracker! Cant wait for XinriX and Tatuski to finish theirs. Saphenous, you are a demented genious! Cheers! Good night and Sleep tight. I am sure I wont...sleep tight, that is!

Tonight's theme song is Sleep To Dream by Fiona Apple from her 1997 debut album Tidal:

I tell you how I feel, but you don't care

I say tell me the truth, but you don't dare

You say love is a hell you cannot bear

And I say gimme mine back and then go there - for all I care
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream

You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem

This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways

So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise
I have never been so insulted in all my life

I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride

First you run like a fool just to be at my side

And now you run like a fool, but you just run to hide, and I can't abide
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream

You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem

This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways

So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise
Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive

We're not playing a game anymore; you don't have to be so defensive

Don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain

Don't even show me your face, 'cuz it's a crying shame

Just go back to the rock from under which you came

Take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim - And don't forget the blame
I got my feet on the ground, and I don't go to sleep to dream

You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem

This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways

So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise

P.S. XinriX...being skinned like chicken was a great visual. It gave me the *willies* sheesh. cant wait to see that list. (chuckles)

The List:

Ok kiddies, to counter act the last post, here is something a bit more light hearted....Top Ten Worst Ways To Die....Drumroll please..............................................................................................................


10. Being marooned

9. Burning while completely doused in gasoline. Effective and painful!

8. Getting ripped apart by a pack of wolverine (or is it wolverines?) Although highly unlikely, it would still be horrific!

7. Being buried alive...This is a real fear of mine...

6. Slowly being lowered into a vat of boiling oil. Yikes kiddies!

5. The Virgin of Nuremberg

4. Placing a rat in a bottomless cage upon intended victim's chest. The cage is heated and the rat is left with no place to go but down...this is the real deal boys and girls...

3. The head crusher...nuff said!

2. Hitler's gas chamber

and the number 1 worst way to die is......

1. Take a pencil thin glass rod and dip it in vaseline. Proceed to insert into erect penis. (Oh it gets worse!) Grab the penis and break the glass inside. If that wasn't enough, cauderize the anus shut, and force feed the victim, thus slowly killing your victim with fecal impaction! Nice!

Ok, now on to the fun part of this; who shall I pick next?

1) XiniriX...(cause I know how you just love these)hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) tatuski....This will be good!!!!

I really can't think of anyone who hasn't been tagged already besides these 2 that would even consider doing this.

Third post today...

I have been a slave to the internet as of lately. Gawd! 3rd posting for the day...If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm kinda kooky. Hang on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Well it has been an interesting night, to say the least. Mike came home in a pissy mood because work is slowing down. He had to lay an employee off last week, and it's not looking so good for his 2 remaining full time guys. He was unable to take a paycheck last week so he could pay his guys and so he worries. And how does he vent his troubled brain, you may ask yourself...Ah, I shall tell you. He vents on me. Tries to make me feel as bad as he does...To make me feel his emotional pain. The thing is, that I see right through him. I know his motivation, and it just makes me wanna scream. I have NEVER taken my frustration out on him, or anyone else for that matter. *sigh* No use talking about it anyway, sometimes talking brings up all the bad things that are best left "forgotten".

I was asked a question earlier today, and did not have time to answer it. The question was whether a zebra is black with white stripes, or white with black stripes. I think it is the latter; white with black stripes. What do y'all think?

Jeanne called me today, she'll be home sometime in the first week of October. I can hardly wait. I won't be forced to sit in front of the tv every night with Mike, rotting away like the rest of America. When she is here, I go to her house and hang out till late. We mostly just bull she*t about nothing, but it sure beats the hell outta watchin tv. I don't know. I guess I'm going through a real rough patch here. Same old crap though, no need to keep babbling on about it. Does me no flippin good. I'm really hoping that my 25th year will be a better year that the last. I am a stronger person now, I should be able to make it work. The plastic smile only holds for so long before it begins to crack...CMHL knows all about plastic smiles...hell, I am sure all of you do. I'm hoping brighter days come soon. I don't want the world to see me not smiling. I don't think I would be able to handle not seeing myself smile. I constantly have this internal dialogue...a tape that plays the same thing over and over and over. "Smile. Keep your head up. Tomorrow is another day. Don't let the bad things get you down. It's not that bad. Ignore it and it will go away. Smile. Smile. Smile...." Honestly, I just wanna smash that fucking recorder till it can't play anymore...Except I can't.

I had a serious breakdown this past Saturday. I had written all about it but then something happened with my internet connection while I was saving it and all of the words were lost. Mike and I were arguing about something. He was getting on my case about everything from the way I fold the damn laundry to the way I wash the floor. This thing I don't do enough of. That thing is always bothering him...blah blah blah. He was also getting on my case about leaving my sewing machine on the kitchen table. I leave it out because if I put it away, I won't pull it out for another 2 moths or so. He knows that. So anyway,he started with me and then said that he didn't want to spend another minute with me...So he walked out of the house, leaving a huge mess in the kitchen behind him.

After he was gone, I began cleaning up. Putting dishes in the machine, when all of a sudden a huge burst of rage came from within. I began tossing dishes into the sink, not satisfied until they were all broken. Then I began smashing the dishwasher door open and closed, hoping it would fall off it's hinges. Never before had I been so angry before...EVER. It was scary and liberating all at the same time. I couldn't turn it off though. I was so mad and hurt by Mike's words, that I began hitting myself in the head with clenched fists. Why I did this, I do not know, but it certainly sobered me a bit.

These past few days I have felt subdued and shallow, like I had screamed all of my motivation right out of me. But tonight, I feel that rage, bubbling, just begging to be let out. I kinda like it, this new part of me. I am afraid though that if he pisses me off with his snide remarks and looks and all of his digs, that I just might haul off and attempt to kick his ass...And that would not be a good thing cause then we would be right back where we used to be. A place neither of us really wants to go. Only now, I have the strength emotionally to fight back.

Just staring at the blinking cursor...Wishing I had not just written that, but also chicken shit to erase it. I think it's time to just let all of it go, and if I can't do it in my own journal, then where can I release this? You don't have to read it. Just check the little box at the top corner. I can't just check out quite as easily, unfortunately. It's a lot harder than that. He's been good since last month we had that talk, the one I wrote about on my last blog, but now that he's under stress we are back to square one. Two steps forward, one step back, eh?

Ah, such is life. I am really tired and am seriously over reacting at this point, but I sincerely feel like I want to kill someone. Is this normal? Aw hell, it'll all blow over by morning. Luckily, I have gumdrops and lollipops dancing in my head and this fucking recorder..."Smile..." Yea, it'll be alright. Thanks for listening.

Might as well face it, you're addicted to Blog

I don't know why, but this song has been replaying through my brain all day. "Addicted To Love" Reminds me of an episode of Beverly Hills 90210. There was this episode where the girls (Brenda, Kelly, Donna and some other chick who was not a major character) performed this song onstage, all dressed in tight black dresses with their hair slicked back and red lipstick, just like Robert Palmer's video. Friggin good times. Did anyone else watch that show?

I am still working on that list, which is proving harder than I had first thought!

I am having serious computer issues. It just isn't working right and I can't figure out why. I feel like throwing it out and buying a new one...not that this one is old. Just bought it last year, new, but there always seems to be something wrong with it . Next time, I'm gonna buy a Dell.

I am seriously addicted to blogging. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Formal retraction

I would like to formally retract the statement about IMing sucking. I finally got it to work after about an hour or so of fiddling around. When I finally got it to work, it was actually pretty cool. Am I a big dork for never having used it before? Oh well. If I'm not a dork for that then there is surely something else lurking around the corner just waiting to prove I am a dork. Anyway, I made a new friend last night and it was good.

In response to some of the comments...

Suley: I just love the word facetious. The chance to use it rarely comes up...So kudos to you!

CMHL: While I got the skills to pat the bills, a lot of customers are not open to doing something different. Since there are a lot of burrs and other prickly things, most people want a "shave down", which, by the way, I ABHOR doing. The next time I get a great customer who is cool, I'll show you some funk! Until then, I'll post some of my most dramatic before and afters!

This is Blanco the Bichon Frise. It is his first haircut! I had to shave his whole body because he was severely matted, but normally with a bichon i shorten the body and scissor the legs. Notice his beautifully rounded head. ALOT of scissoring went into making his head look like that!



Suley & Fitena: I only dream about being Edward Scissorhands. He is my idol, scars and everything!


Ok, I would really like to get in on the "worst ways to die" list, but I'm gonna have to stew a bit first. BTW, guys, funny shiznit!

Later!

instant messaging sucks...

I have never tried IMing and I tried it tonight, but it seemd to be broken. maybe I don't know WTF I'm doing...*sigh*

Anyway, not much going on. It was a long ass day today, people all butt hurt cause I refuse to groom their dog like the other crappy groomer in town. I just do not want someone looking at a dog with an assinine haircut and it reflecting on me. Cause that's what will happen. I have flair and style and know how to use my scissors. Cutting dogs hair is like sculpting to me, especially a dog like a bichon or poodle. The other lady has no pride and does not care if a dog leaves looking like a freak. Well, I friggin do and I won't be bullied by anyone into going against my principals. If it was a somewhat decent haircut, I'd be happy to oblige, but not some weirdo ugly cut, no effin way homie.

Sorry to dissapoint with my choices of books...I'm in a bit of a sour mood. so I'm gonna go before this turn into a bitchy post...GRRRRRRRRRGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

My newest addiction

So the FOX network has done it again! I am really liking their new show Prison Break. It is friggin awesome. A clean version of HBO's Oz (which was my fav. show when I had cable). It is my newest obsession besides the Urban Rebounder.

I am glad y'all like the new site. I picked VanGogh's Starry Night because it is my favorite impressionistic painting of all time. I had first seen a picture in a book of my grandpa's when I was a real little girl. I read his bio and even though I thought he was a weirdo personally, I loved his work. So, when I think of art, I think VanGogh. I just love him and especially this painting. I actually have those sun shades with Starry Night on them.

Okie- dokie Suley! Here is your meme...I wonder, just why might you be scared? Mwahaha!

1. Number of Books you have owned. When I was a young and lived with my mother, I had an awesome room. I had bookshelves lining the walls and also built into my headboard. I remember counting and in my itty bitty room, I had over 300 books. For a later post, I'll tell you the sad story about what happened that causes me not to value physical objects and what happened to my awesome collection...that is, of course, if you want to know.

.2. Last book I bought. Since the afore mentioned incident(s) I no longer purchase books. Again if asked I might indulge you...

3. Last book I completed. ...Been a while I must confess. I haven't been reading like I used to. I used to read 2-3 books a week. I go through phases. When the cool weather comes round again, it'll be "snuggle up in bed with a book" time. But sorry, I can not remember the last book I read.

4. Five books that mean a lot to me.

• With You And Without You: by Ann Matthews Martin

This happens to be (probably) my all time favorite book ever. It is the coming of age story of Liza O'Hara and how she and her family must come to terms with her father dying. A real tear jerker. (I just read the review that some pinhead wrote about it and disagree whole heartedly!) A definite must-read!

• Lord Of The Flies : by William Golding

I can guess what you are thinking; They made us read that one... yeah that's right fools! I am about to admit what nobody ever in the history of schooling would admit...That I liked the books they made us read in school. In fact, I always finished the book the night it was given to the class, so that I knew what the next chapter would hold. I just love the sociology that William Golding presents. It is fascinating to me to think of little boys going wild and getting crazy and not having any boundaries. It rings true to me. I really love this story. A definite must re-read!

• Where The Sidewalk Ends; by Shel Silverstein

I just love, love, love this book. I haven't read it for a number of years, but I think I will since this is truly a great book. I never liked short stories as a girl, hell I had read Steven King's IT by the time I was 10 and finished it within a week after going to school full time, but for some reason, Shel got me interested. I think I identified with his style and wanted to write like him. All of my favorite books and writers capture an essence that I would like to capture in my own writing...Sound stupid?

• Watchers; by Dean Koontz

I know that it was on my list on my other blog, but this is truly brilliant writing and deserves to be on this list. Again, Koontz is awesome for me because he brings so much depth to his characters and breathes life into them, and to top it off, he writes an amazing plot too! I implore you all to keep a copy yourself.

• A Wrinkle In Time ;by Madeleine L'Engle

I was never really a sci fi lover but this story was always a great read. I have read this one time and time again. In fact all of the books on this list have been read at least 3 times and some more. I'm more inclined to pick up a good book that I have read numerous times than read a new book...is that crazy?

There are alot more than five and I really think that these books also deserve recognition; Lord Of The Rings trilogy. I would like to say that the first time I read these books was LONG before the movies. My grandpa has a gorgeous library and these were his picks for me from his collection during the 2 weeks stay with him at 9 years old. I swear I told him that these would make an awesome movie someday. I will say that the recent movies did do the great books justice. Tolkien couldn't have hoped for better. Lewis Carrol's Alice In Wonderland. Also read the summer of Tolkien. Truly a classic and a great read. There are so many others, but it is getting late and I am getting lazy.

5. What are you currently reading? Right now, sitting on the toilet tank is Dean Koontz's Hideaway. I am only 35 pages in and can't tell if it is good or not. He rarely dissapoints though...

6. Who are the bloggers you are passing this on to? Well I am not one who likes to point fingers, but those picked do not have to participate. I know that my initial feelings are always anxiety when I get tagged, so do it if you want. If not, I'll only cry in private, deal?

CMHL...I'm interested to know if you even have time for books?

XniriX...extremely curious...

Sangrocito I imagine you reading books in foreign languages...

Ok kiddies, enough fun for one night! There's only so much one can handle!

Now is as good a time as any...

This new blog has been in the works for some time now. I finally decided to devote the time to finishing putting my blogroll up. Any comments on the look?

I decided to follow the ranks and go Blogger. I just like it so much better as far as user friendly goes. I also just really like the way it looks. My next challenge come in when it comes time to post pictures. I am a computer dum-dum as you may or may not know. Ok, more later! BYE!