What started off as happy thoughts turned into bitterness and sadness...

So my buddy Terry from Phoenix...Yeah. I am going down there this Saturday. It will be the first time that we are hanging out since we were "together". He called me and asked me what I was doing for my birthday weekend (HE REMEMBERED!!!) and asked me if I wanted to chill out with him. He said probably 10 times that he really wants to see me. It is so nice to be wanted. Those other 2 boys are just that...BOYS. They simply are too immature to realize the gem I am, and that's ok. I don't dig little boys. LOL. Or at least not anymore, it's my latest realization.

I am truly having a hard time believing that it has been a year since Mike and I decided to split up. What a fucking whirlwind!!! Alot of bad shit has gone down, but alot of mature realizations have come from it all. I always was the type that I need to learn shit the hard way. I'm a stubborn, foolish girl! I guess it's because I feel proud to say that I learned everything on my own. It's a defect of mine, I realize this, yet I am too stubborn...

Ok...Here it is an hour later, ( I am at work so I keep getting interrupted...GRRRRR) and I got a text from Terry...He has to cancel for this weekend. Apparently he has to work the entire weekend. I am so upset I want to cry. I haven't had a weekend off in weeks and have been planning to keep this one off hoping to do something really great for my birthday. I am tired of being dissapointed but I guess that's life, as Dino would say anyway...*SIGH* So much for a romantic, cuddly weekend with a very sweet and caring guy. BLEH!!!!

So, here I am stuck in this shithole of a town. I miss my family. There's nothing fun to do, nowhere to go. I feel like I want to fucking scream and scream and scream. Maybe it would help. I am working so much that I feel like I want to pass out. Something has gotta give. Some change needs to happen. Life has got to give me a fucking break eventually, right? I mean things can't possibly keep sucking foever....Or can they?

I always thought I had a great outlook on life, but recently I haven't had the heart. There's only so many times that you get dissappointed before you begin to get bitter. I don't want to be bitter forever. I truly fear though that I will become a angry, lonely, old, insane cat lady...That's a scary thought but completely possible. How dreary. There seems no end to the blah-ness.