A new theory...

I have come to the realization that instead of wasting my energy in worrying about this whole A. Situation that I need to refocus. I need to refocus on me and my everyday life and how I can improve my routine. I have been letting the house to fall to shambles. Not putting things away when I'm done with them, leaving dishes everywhere, not vacuuming or sweeping. I feel all disoriented and cant seem to find anything.

I am thinking a big part of this has to do with the fact that when I met Mike, I was a very lost soul. I was just getting out of the party scene cause it wasn't making me happy to be drunk every night. I didn't know anyone outside the party scene, I didn't really know any other lifestyle, especially since I grew up in the same environment as the one I was partaking. I had no idea what the "normal" people did. Mike basically took me under his wing and plopped me into his life and routine. I only know him and so It's strange because I never got a chance to start my life. I pretty much just walked into a life already made for me. All I literally had to do was the basic life functions.

So here I am now, waiting for things to fall into place since that is the way is happens for me. And guess what I am learning? That's right folks...The kid's gotta do it herself...Scary and liberating at the same time. I am literally learning to live my life...It is exhilarating to think of the things that I always did his way that I don't have to anymore...Enough to put a shit eatin' grin on my face for awhile!

I want to eat healthy and take better care of my body. Take vitamins, give myself a manicure and pedicure. I am friggin single for cryin out loud! I can be as selfish as I want to be! And I am going to, too.

So yea, I would like to think that when he gets his shit together maybe some time down the road, and I am in a better place emotionally perhaps it could be something amazing. I honestly feel that, but I can't tell the future and wasting all my energy waiting and hoping...Well it is not good. I have been neglecting the most important thing...ME!

So I am starting the day tomorrow with a fresh new game plan. It feels good to finally set my game plan. I am slowly getting the hang of this "free thinking". Can I hear a HALLELUJAH from all my oppressed sistas!

That's all the news that's fit to print. Night Y'all! XOXO