Just when I thought I wanted to roll over and die...

I feel like I am beginning to be me again. I had heard from a guy friend of mine the other day the horrendous truth about what has been going on with Abrian, and even though in my heart of hearts (what a dumb saying huh?) I already knew it, for some reason when he said it it just clicked. His exact words were that he's "hittin it then quittin it". It was a giant slap in the face. And just like that, my whole attitude changed. And wouldn't you know that the instant I woke up and felt cleansed of any real feelings for him that he called me. Not once or even twice...but 3 times, and he was oh so sweet to me, and it didn't matter.

Yea, so even though I did have him come over last night and we...ahem, well you know...there was no emotional attachment for me. And he was definately put off by my change of heart, though I never said it to him, he just knew, and lo and behold he was more attentive to me then he ever has been. I woke him up at the butt crack of dawn and sent his ass packing and even though he kissed and hugged me before leaving (which by the way, he NEVER has done) I still feel like I don't need him. So, he will be my tool...my boy toy. I will use him and send him on home and not give any more thought to him. Sex is just sex after all.

I have not heard from the eye doc, which doesn't upset me because I think it was unprofessional of him anyway to call me from his records without asking me...And I have no interest in the chiro at all. So I am not bound by anyone emotionally and it feels fuckin great!
slowly but surely I am settling into this new life.

Last night while Abrian was here I got a text from a number that sounded familiar to me but I was unsure who it was. It read "Hey! What are you doing tonight?"

After I replied back with a hello of my own and a "Not much just chillin at home" I realized who it was. This guy Chris that I met at the bar when I went like 3 weeks ago. He was interested in renting the room in my house and we had sorta also made plans to chill but then he didn't call me...So I deleted his number from my phone and didn't give him another thought. And then here he is asking to hang out. He asked me "Are you alone? want me to come over?"

Now if I remember correctly, this guy was HOT! And hell yea I wanted him to come over, but Abrian was here. So I told him that it wasn't a good night but that I'd like to see him tomorrow. He was like "ok" And then I texed him again asking him if he was gonna flake out on me again and he promised me he wouldn't, so we shall see if he calls today. Trust me that I'll keep you filled in!

...The next day. So yea Chris kinda flaked on me again. I texted him around 9 last night asking him what he was doing for the night. He said "I'm in phx" I was kinda pissed cause I had a feeling he was going to flake out on me, but instead of letting him know I was pissed, I texted him back with a "Too bad..." He texted me back with a smiley face. I know he's going to call me if not tonight then within the next few days.

Ok folks. Things seem to be looking up for me, let's all cross out fingers and hope that the bottom doesn't decide to fall out again, eh?