Sometimes I feel like a nut...Sometimes I don't
Ok, so those of you that were here earlier know what the previous post for the day said. I deleted it because I feel like a poop...
Why is it that this is so hard for me? Most days I complain about Mike and what an ass he can be. But when push comes to shove, I find myself crawling back with my tail between my legs, realizing that I am going to be all alone in the great wide world. I live in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and no friends to speak of, I worry that I will become an old maid. I love him...Really I do. It's just that I feel like maybe there is someone even better than him. But if I look at the life I have now and all of the perks...I have things that I almost couldn't live without. Which would mean that I would need a rich man. But this is all not the point. I am driving him away on a hunch, because there is some unrest in my heart. I feel like I am chasing a rainbow, looking desperately for the end.
I am just confused as shit. If I leave, will I only find that the unhappiness part is lying deep within myself? If this is the case, then why would I leave a man who takes great care of me? And leave everything behind I have grown accustomed to? *sigh*
Dear friends, I am at a fork in the road. To the left is my life with Mike...Stable, comfortable and predictable. EASY. This folks, is my easy street...To the right is the rainbow road. It is a seemingly attractive road with great promise of actually catching that rainbow...But who ever catches a rainbow? It isn't physically possible...
Which road do I take? Which road will bring me happiness, if either at all? I can't just stand here, at this intersection forever contemplating. A decision must be made. Which shall I choose? Which would you choose were you in my shoes?
Why is it that this is so hard for me? Most days I complain about Mike and what an ass he can be. But when push comes to shove, I find myself crawling back with my tail between my legs, realizing that I am going to be all alone in the great wide world. I live in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and no friends to speak of, I worry that I will become an old maid. I love him...Really I do. It's just that I feel like maybe there is someone even better than him. But if I look at the life I have now and all of the perks...I have things that I almost couldn't live without. Which would mean that I would need a rich man. But this is all not the point. I am driving him away on a hunch, because there is some unrest in my heart. I feel like I am chasing a rainbow, looking desperately for the end.
I am just confused as shit. If I leave, will I only find that the unhappiness part is lying deep within myself? If this is the case, then why would I leave a man who takes great care of me? And leave everything behind I have grown accustomed to? *sigh*
Dear friends, I am at a fork in the road. To the left is my life with Mike...Stable, comfortable and predictable. EASY. This folks, is my easy street...To the right is the rainbow road. It is a seemingly attractive road with great promise of actually catching that rainbow...But who ever catches a rainbow? It isn't physically possible...
Which road do I take? Which road will bring me happiness, if either at all? I can't just stand here, at this intersection forever contemplating. A decision must be made. Which shall I choose? Which would you choose were you in my shoes?
posted by Madam Sakura @ 4:46 PM
3 Comments:
At Fri Sep 16, 06:37:00 PM,
suleyman said…
You keep changing up your mind! I read this earlier, went to go do something else, thought about it, and then sat here for about ten minutes thinking about what I was gonna say to this turnabout.
Go with what your soul says.
Here's my opinion. Don't think of it as advice, just one man's opinion who doesn't have any experience with serious relationships:
The soul needs more than just easy living. If given the choice between possibly finding a real love or being comfortable and taken care of, but with someone I didn't truly love, I'd choose poverty - grinding poverty - and uncertainty if it meant having real love (that is, mutual love). Maybe I'm just a romantic idealist, but that's what I think.
"Can't buy me love."
-Suley
At Sat Sep 17, 08:21:00 AM,
cmhl said…
no insightful advice from me... ok, maybe a little. don't rush into anything. look at each of the 5000 angles in intricate detail-- don't make any rash decisions.. and don't let any 3rd party be part of any decision....
just my thoughts!! but I am certainly no example to emulate! haha.
At Sun Sep 25, 01:12:00 PM,
Tay Hota said…
find someone who you perceive as having followed "rainbow road." Was it easy for them? How challenging was it, exactly? And was it worth it?
Post a Comment
<< Home