Oops I did it again...
These past few weeks have been full of tumutulous ups and downs. You all know that I am competely miserable in my marriage. I have stated that I am leaving him at ;east 3 times now in the past 2 weeks. Every time I mean it too...But for some stupid reason, I patch things up and attempt to keep on keepin on. When asked by virtually everyone why?, the only answer I could summon was a lame "I don't know..."
Well, I am finally fessing up to the reason. Here is one of my dirty little secrets. I have stayed wiht him as long as I have because he keeps me from wanting materialistic things. I don't ever have to worry about money, if I see something I want, I almost always get it. The truth is that I have been using him. And I am afraid after having been coddled that I am going to fall flat on my ass in the real world.
He came home tonight and said that he thinks we should split and that he is tired of me using him...The only thought that went through my head "OMG...He knows the truth!" And seeing as he knows the truth, I figured I might as well put it out there for everyone to see. So now you know. I am a hateful, hideous user.
And when I say I did it again, I mean I managed to push away the only person on this forsaken planet who gives a damn. And I totally deserve whatever I get...
Well, I am finally fessing up to the reason. Here is one of my dirty little secrets. I have stayed wiht him as long as I have because he keeps me from wanting materialistic things. I don't ever have to worry about money, if I see something I want, I almost always get it. The truth is that I have been using him. And I am afraid after having been coddled that I am going to fall flat on my ass in the real world.
He came home tonight and said that he thinks we should split and that he is tired of me using him...The only thought that went through my head "OMG...He knows the truth!" And seeing as he knows the truth, I figured I might as well put it out there for everyone to see. So now you know. I am a hateful, hideous user.
And when I say I did it again, I mean I managed to push away the only person on this forsaken planet who gives a damn. And I totally deserve whatever I get...
posted by Madam Sakura @ 6:45 PM
5 Comments:
At Thu Sep 22, 10:17:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
Had you been a real "odious user", you wouldn't have admitted it. Am not trying to psych you out but i think you're just trying to give a reason for your putting up with him for so long. He's your husband, so what's there to be ashamed of if he provides for you huh? You were miserable, you wouldn't have been if you were content with the "materialistic" relationship.
Loving never meant suffering. This is self-destruction. My humble point of view. Leave Jenelle.
At Fri Sep 23, 05:47:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
Ah, but he ALLOWED you to use him, too, so all the finger pointing should not be at you, nor should you accept full responsibility. Yes, it's wrong to use someone else, but there's always two people involved in a relationship, and obviously he already figured out his role and chose not to change it. Why?
At Fri Sep 23, 11:23:00 AM,
cmhl said…
girl--- wish we lived closer.
it is easy to be used to "the lifestyle". believe me, I feel for you... have you guys tried counseling? forgive me if that is presumteous to ask--- just thought I would throw it out there.
do you have kids together?
At Fri Sep 23, 09:17:00 PM,
Unknown said…
My questions would echo cmhl...some kind of counseling, a good program something that meets both your needs, but really it will only work if you are in a place where you want to make things work.
Also about the kids...you will never conceive of how complicated your life will get if you split with kids. I married stepkids and ex decided after moving all over the western half of the united states to stop the very skimpy time we had with them in the first place. Now we are learning about retainer fees, motions, contempt hearings and all kids of idiocy. Now we can say 2nd mortgage without losing our breath because we have to live with it.
It is never stupid to want to make a marraige work...but for reasons of love, ideally. How long have you been married? I've been married only 3 years, but all you need is one really good fight to feel how miserable marraige can be.
At Fri Sep 23, 09:18:00 PM,
Unknown said…
oops i meant "kinds" of idiocy
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